COUCH POTATO TIME: Appointment television is back thanks to the new season of 24 and American Idol. Series six of 24 began with a two night, four hour premiere that left me white-knuckling the armrest and shouting at the television. Despite being held in a Chinese prison for two years and nearly tortured to death, Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) is back and kicking terrorist ass. One longtime supporting character is already dead (at Jack's hand) and a serious twist took place at the end of hour four that made my mouth drop open. All we need now is Jean Smart and Gregory Itzin back in as the former First Lady and deposed President Logan. Don't even bother calling or asking me to do anything on Monday nights for the next 20 weeks. I'm Bauer's bitch until spring.

And then we have American Idol. Last night was a train wreck you couldn't take your eyes off of for a second. The early audition shows can now be broken down into three categories: those who really can sing and want a career; those who know they can't sing but want to be on TV because they might be the next William Hung; and the seriously, seriously, seriously mentally ill. On last night's premiere, you could see the crazy in their eyes. And if they aren't crazy, they've been so patronized and lied to by friends and family about their actual singing ability, that it's just painful to watch when Simon and Co. rip them to shreds. Jewel (blech) was a guest judge last night and she was just taking up space at the table, or maybe they just needed someone to help poor Paula Abdul from slipping under the table. She was obviously high on medication last night and the camera's rarely cut to her. When they did, she was bleary-eyed and looking three kinds of crazy. That's Paula last night in the picture above. Lawdy me.

These are really the only two shows I care about. The rest is a wasteland. I'm about fed up with Lost, although this week the producers said they are deciding when the series will end. Personally, I'd give it one more full season, wrap the shit up and pull the plug. The only thing I've found myself watching lately -- in between grant writing, book revision, seeing my parents -- is HGTV. House Hunters, anyone?

UPDATE: As reported, the Seattle auditions were just painful to watch. I've never seen so many mentally ill people in one spot outside a state facility.The boy who looked like a howler monkey trying to do Nsync, the computer geek from Salt Lake City demolishing "Unchained Melody," the tragic mother/daughter in fright wigs singing "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls, the hairdresser/Taylor Hicks wannabe who got booted out of the audition room when he tried to put product in Simon's hair. Paula was lucid (for her) and funny and someone is finally writing amusing banter for Ryan Gaycrest...errrr....Seacrest. Out.

Comments

Jennifer said…
Idol Watchers: Come to my blog for the complete Seattle update. Hey, Collin, what about The L-Word??? I thought that was your other show this season. Pam Grier will be pissed if you dumped her for Kiefer.
Collin said…
Oh, I'm watching "The L Word", but it's not appointment television, since Showtime repeats it two or three times a week. Sundays are no good for me anyway. I'm usually at Java Monkey Speaks or elsewhere.
Anonymous said…
It was freakin' hilarious last night. I laughed my ass off. Best line of the night was when Paula turned to the camera and said "there are some very troubled people here." She's a fine one to talk but that was so true.
Anonymous said…
Damn it. That was me who posted the last comment.

GAV
Peter said…
I was so embarrassed for Seattle. Where did these people come from? Dean and I laughed our asses off.

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