THE TROUBLE WITH BOYS: The guys performed on American Idol this evening and, once again, totally lost the plot. After pulling themselves out of a nose dive last week, they went into a tailspin tonight. No one shined, there was no "wow" factor, as Simon calls it. It was a night of tame, boring and self-indulgent songs.

Blake Lewis - It's a good thing he's hot (love those tight pants), because his cover of "All Mixed Up" by 311 was a mess. It didn't have nearly as much energy as it should and he's beatboxing and scatting unnecessarily. Randy and Paula didn't know the song and Simon said he couldn't understand the words. Again, Blake is hot, so he's not going anywhere.

Sanjaya Malakar - Miss Bollywood got his hair did and he looked like a straight up girl tonight. It might have been his sister in boy drag. The hula video intro was cringe-inducing. If Ann Coulter was watching, she was probably dropping the "f" bomb all over the place. He tried to go more contemporary singing John Mayer's "Waiting for the World to Change," but it's a dated sounding song anyway. Props to Miss Ryan Gaycrest for calling Paula out on her hair extensions.

Sundance Head - He screamed his way through Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" and was either ahead or behind the music the whole way through. Having the three backing singers coo over this grunge classic was ridiculous. A hot mess. Why does America keep voting for this bar singer?

Chris Richardson - He sang some mushy Keith Urban country song. It was a nasal work out from start to finish. Yawn-o-rama. It's a good thing he's cute.

Jared Cotter - His eyebrows are starting to get on my nerves. They seem to get bigger every week. He sang a shouty version of Stevie Wonder's "If You Really Love Me." It was a bore.

Brandon Rogers - He's also really cute, so they might help him survive another week after singing a so-so version of Rare Earth's "I Just Want To Celebrate."

Phil Stacey - What the fuck was he thinking singing LeeAnn Rime's "I Need You"? This is actually a decent country-pop song, which LeAnn sings with subtly and emotion. But not Phil. He screamed his way through it and "pitchy" doesn't even begin to describe the vocal. Just because you love the song, doesn't mean you can actually sing it. It was so bad, I'd vote him off Thursday over Sundance. Did I just type that?

Chris Sligh - Probably the best vocal of the night on "We All Wanna Be Loved," but that ain't saying much. It was also shouty and a self-indulgent song choice. The best part of Chris' performance was when he asked Gaycrest for a hug and Miss Ryan looked really uncomfortable. The camera then cut to Simon and the look on his face was priceless.

At the end of the show, Ryan asked the judges how many deserved to stay. Paula and Randy agreed on four while Simon, smart ass as always, said 3 1/2. Actually, I agree with Simon. The girls will easily trump the boys tomorrow night. It won't take much.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Pathetic is being kind. Terrible night on AI, dawg. Although i think Blake is a hottie. His pants fit him perfectly in all the right places.

GAV
M. Ru Pere said…
have they already had ABBA night?
Hope i didn't snooze thru it . . .
Collin said…
GAV, yes Blake does have quite the...ummm...bulge working.

M. Ru, ABBA night (and the other theme nights) take place once the final 12 are decided which will be Thursday night. That means next week might start up the theme shows. Don't know if ABBA is one of them, but if so it will be hilarious.
Jennifer said…
All those boys except for Beatboxin' Tight Pants Blake and Jack Osborne deserve to have their asses kicked for their Tuesday night performances.
Anne said…
Ryan was so working the gay last night. Which made the Chris hug thing extra extra funny.

God, the guys were boring though. Yawwwwwwwwwwwn!
jenni said…
Sigh. I thought it was one of the worst shows ever. It was just so incredibly bad. I agree 100% with your review. Phil is weird. I want him to go home. Jared is a friggen d.o.r.k. Sanjaya is too young and too damn pretty. Sundance head was revolting. I honestly cringed. Chris Sligh was just okay and the rest were forgettable.

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