ALMOST OVER NOW: Tonight was part one of the American Idol finale as Jordin Sparks and Blake Lewis took the stage at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood to sing for the last time and the final vote. Thankfully, it was only an hour tonight, since tomorrow is a big, bloated two hour mess. All the contestants you've forgotten will be back to sing and pad out the evening, along with surprise guests. Sanjaya apparently filmed some skit with cheerleaders wearing ponyhawks. You knew they would be dragging that dead horse out for a final beating. Paula "Miss Pills" Abdul said she broke her nose tripping over her dog this past weekend. She did look swollen around the face, but kudos to the make-up folks. After being disappointingly lucid most of the season, the Vicodin slur was back tonight.

"This Is My Now," which was the winning entry for the songwriting competition, might be the worst piece of shit I've ever heard. It makes those other sickening, schmaltzy finale songs sound like fucking pop classics. I almost felt sorry for Blake and Jordin having to sing this crap, although Jordin sold it and even worked up some tears at the end. So much for the "public" writing a better song. Tragically, this will be the first single for whoever wins. If this was the best song of the bunch, just think of what the thousands of other songs sounded like. Good googly moogly. Okay, on to the performances:

Blake Lewis - He opened the show singing Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name," his beat-boxing showstopper from a few weeks ago. Remember when Sade sang it's never as good as the first time? Not even close. He was trying too hard and sounded a bit breathless as he jumped around the stage. For his second song, he chose Maroon 5's "She Will Be Loved, which was safe and a bit listless. His falsetto was like a rake across a chalkboard. It was obvious he would have rather been chewing glass than singing "This Is My Now" and there was no passion in it at all.

Jordin Sparks - Jesus H. Christmas -- we know, we know, we fucking know Jordin is only 17. Why do they keep repeating it like no one has ever been 17 before? Anyway...she wisely chose Xtina's "Fighter," which is young and hip and it was a great vocal. I wanted her to prowl the stage a bit more and be animated but she stuck to the mic stand and sang the hell out of it. Her second song was "Broken Wing," which was one of her stellar performances from earlier in the season. She nailed it. Flawless. Simon said she mopped the floor with Blake on her tearful version of "This Is My Now." If I have to hear that shit on the radio, I'd rather hear her sing it.

Tomorrow is the finale. I'm still betting on Jordin to win. After tonight it should be a lock for her.

Comments

KATE EVANS said…
It hasn't played yet on the West Coast, but I thought I'd like to read your blog beforehand! Now that my girl Mindo-Doo is gone, I don't give a shit what happens. I can just be grateful she doesn't have to sing that treacly crap.
Anne said…
God, that song sucked so much. It sucked so sucking much and it really bummed me out watching Blake grit his teeth and stumble through it. Because it's so clear that the reason TPTB would pick a song like that is exactly because only the kind of person they want to have as their winner would be able to make it through that song without gagging. They want someone who's willing to sing crap if that's what the boss wants them to do. They want someone who'll say thank you sir, may I have some more? And Blake, much as I am not particularly a fan of his, just can't pull it off.

Jordin wins the show. But Blake kinda wins by not having to record that piece of shit crap garbage song. Jordin sang it as well as it could have been sung, but I have to wonder if that's kind of like being really good at a really crappy job -- eventually you realize that you're too good at the crappy job to ever get promoted, and you're screwed.

Confession: I didn't even hear half of Blake's version of This Is My Crap, because I was so busy shrieking out loud about what a terrible, awful, sucky song it was. And you know what, I'm really kind of pissed off about it.
Anonymous said…
That song is definitely one of the worst songs ever. I canot believe that was the best thing entered into the competition. I kinda agree with Anne that it seems like the producers picked this shit because they knew Jordin could sing it better than Blake. They want Jordin to win because she's 17 (ha!) and way more marketable. I wonder if shes got some kind of hormone thing going on. SHe looks bigger and bigger each week. Or maybe Ryan just getts smaller and smaller. I think Jordin is going to win and then it will all be over.

GAV
jenni said…
LOL.

The post and comments are great. I didn't watch the show but yeah, Jordin should win. I just couldn't get into it this season. Your posts are so much better than the damn show, for real.
minus five said…
i recorded it so that i wouldn't have to sit through the pain of the live version. i'll forward my way through it tonight before the 2-hour finale. i hope paula stays jacked for tonight also. because there's really nothing else to look forward to.

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