AMERICAN IDOL 7 - GIRLS ROUND 2: The Top 10 girls performed tonight on AI, and it was total suckitude. Let's just get right to what everyone's going to be talking about tomorrow: Amanda Overmyer's transformation into the Bride of Frankenstein. Taking a tip from Sanjaya's 2007 playbook, the goth nurse was either wearing a wig from the Elsa Lanchester collection or purposely put white-ish gray streaks all through her massive hair. Put a couple of bolts in her neck and she'd be ready to rumble. Like the guys last night, they all sang songs from the 70s, and there were terrible, TERRIBLE performances. Most of them should go home. 

Carly Smithson: Although Randy said she was pitchy (who isn't, according to him?), I thought her cover of Heart's Crazy On You was brilliant. Simon said none of the other girls could touch her vocally and she's the one to beat. I just can't imagine her and David Archuleta as the Top 2. One of them will fall by the wayside at some point. 

Syesha Mercado: Obviously afraid she'd be mistaken for a lesbian, Syesha decided to change the classic Me and Mrs. Jones to Me and Mr. Jones. Unforgivable, honey. And your vocal sucked, too. She'll get to stay another week based on her previous performances.

Brooke White: Continuing the night of transformations, Brooke seemed to be channeling both Carly Simon's voice and face on You're So Vain. The judges thought it was fabulous, but they turned a deaf ear to her voice totally going flat in the chorus. It seemed like she was having trouble strumming her guitar and singing at the same time. Not totally horrible, especially in comparison to what came after.

Ramiele Malubay: I just don't get her. She's pretty and has a decent voice, but last week she destroyed Dusty Springfield and this week she chose a one note disco song, Don't Leave Me This Way. She said she changed songs four times before going with disco. Girl, please...get somebody to help you pick better songs or your ass is going home. Her cuteness will save her this week.

Kristy Lee Cook: She saved herself from elimination this week by doing a serviceable cover of Linda Rondstadt's You're No Good, although she could have been a little more angry. In her interview package she said she was a tomboy and my gaydar went off a little, although it's not completely tuned to lesbians. I'll defer to Anne. Sapphic sister on the DL or what?

Amanda Overmyer: She tried not to channel Janis Joplin and in the process butchered Kansas' Carry On Wayward Son. I mean brutalized it. She sounded like a drunk at a karaoke bar. The judges ripped her to shreds. Paula wouldn't even comment on the vocal, but complimented her dancing skills. When Paula can't say anything nice, you know you're in trouble. And Jesus...that hair. It's like something Grace Slick would have done while tripping on acid in 1969. She might as well have done the pony-hawk. I hope that shit washes out before she goes back to her nursing job. I would hate to wake up in the night and have her leaning over my hospital bed.

Alaina Whitaker: A terrible cover of Olivia Newton John's chestnut, Hopelessly Devoted To You. From the ugly blue dress, big jewelry and Farrah hair to the shouty, voice cracking vocals, it wasn't even good enough for a county fair pageant. Simon still thinks she's a "dark horse" in the competition. They shoot horses, don't they?

Alexandrea Lushington: Another bad song choice, this time Chicago's schmaltzy If You Leave Me Now. The arrangement was wrong, she sounded horrible and the judges told her so. She'll probably survive another week because only two can go home and there were so many shitty performances, it's hard to choose. 

Kady Malloy: They showed her imitating Brit again and singing opera in the bathroom, then she came out and murdered Heart's Magic Man. She swallowed the verses until some of it was inaudible, screamed the chorus, didn't hit a single note and was behind the music. One word: goodbye.

Asia'h Epperson: Randy and Paula must have been taking a bathroom break while Asia'h's voice was cracking and struggling to stay in tune singing power ballad, All By Myself. Both of them loved it, but Simon rightly said she was silly to choose such a big song. She tried to play the "I've been sick" card, but like last week, walk it off. She'll get to stay by process of eliminating the girls who sucked even worse.

The guys were definitely better. Four more go home tomorrow night. It will be a late post since I'll be reading at the Limp Wrist magazine launch.

Comments

Anne said…
re Kristy Lee -- I really don't think so. Maybe sort of vaguely bi, and maybe by the time she's thirty ... but I didn't get a dyke vibe from her particularly. I'll have to remember to check out the fingernails next time. (Anyone who doesn't get that, I'm not gonna be the one to corrupt you ... make Collin explain it! Hehe.)

Not that I have that great a track record, ahem. And I think I'm still a bit emotionally scarred from suffering through Amanda Overmyer's performance, so nothing I say or do right now can really be trusted.

(Maybe Amanda wants to go home?)

Actually, the only one who even vaguely tingles the ol' gaydar is ... Brooke. I know, I know. She may not even have figured it out yet. But she does have a bit of a comfortable-shoes thing going on, hmm?

I NEED A LIFE! God.
Collin said…
Anne...your comment is hilarious!!! I was going to put this in the post, but I was getting a little lesbo vibe from a number of the girls...Brooke and Alexandrea to be precise. I don't even know what to say about Amanda. She needs to get on the hog and let the wind blow her hair off.
RJGibson said…
You suffer for us, so we don't have to. You're kind of like Jesus.
whoever that lesbian with the fucked-up-i-love-it(!) hair is is my favorite. i want her to be the next missy etheridge!
Anonymous said…
These girls really do suck. It's definitely going to be one of the guys who win.

GAV
Rupert said…
too funny, rj! Yes, poor Collin on the cross having to watch (like Chauncey gardner) - actually i forgot - but funniest re-cap ever - I knew Amanda was trouble from the first audition . . . from Janis to Elsa, what an arc - ain't that America . . .
Laura said…
I just happened upon your site looking for some AI feedback and found that you have somehow managed to write (hilariously, I might add) exactly what my husband and I thought about each dreadful performance last night. I will be visiting often. You're hysterical!
Collin said…
Laura, welcome to the blog. Glad you enjoyed the write up. I'll be doing it all season long, so keep checking back and tell your friends. :)
KATE EVANS said…
Oh, good, now I don't care a whit that I missed last night.

Anyone who loves to sing Carly Simon is bi.
bookfraud said…
"but I was getting a little lesbo vibe from a number of the girls"

now i have to watch, no matter how much the singers suck ass. and by all accounts (not just yours), they suck total ass.

thanks again, collin, for making me smile and watching the show so we don't have to.
Keith said…
Wow. That may have been the worst top 10 I've ever seen. What happened to all the "talent"? My prediction a few days ago was giving everyone way too much credit. I like Amanda's "I don't give a shit" attitude, because I don't think she really thought she was going to make it further than Hollywood anyway, but she needs to go. So do the annoying blonde twins of Kristy and Brooke. And Alexandrea needs to go for picking such an awful song to begin with, a song that is indeed stuck in the 70s, and unfortunately was yanked from the era, kicking and screaming, last night. Just yikes all around. It'll be fun to see who goes home though. I hope the top 12 isn't horrendous because there are about 10 combined from each group that don't have a chance in hell, or shouldn't at least, to make it.
jenni said…
EEk! The horror! The bleeding ears!

ps

Bi women with DUI's ROCK!

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