Stank and Whistle



The new James Bond flick, Quantum of Solace, is amazing. The producers decided that 007 needed to be less of a tux-wearing, gadget-loving, martini-shaking dandy and more of an ass-kicking action hero, and Quantum provides that in spades. The movie is non-stop from the opening car chase to the various fight sequences that give Bond the chance for some actual hand-to-hand combat. And it looks like it hurt... a lot. I kept trying to imagine Roger Moore being attacked with an axe in a burning building, and I pictured him having a stroke. This Bond doesn't rely on gadgets, but good driving skills, expert aim and the ability to take a lickin' and keep on tickin'. Judi Dench steals every scene she's in as MI6 director M. Think back for a moment and see if you can remember any of the actors who've played M in the other Bond movies? Go on. I'm waiting. Me either. But you will always remember Dench. 

So the "stank" mentioned in this post's title comes from my fellow moviegoers. BFF Joy came up for dinner and after feeding our faces at The Colonnade (turkey and dressing, fresh green beans, buttered yeast rolls....swoon), we decided a little action movie would help our digestion and looking at Mr. Craig's fine frame wouldn't hurt either. It was a packed house, and right before the previews started this man and woman sat down in front of us. She was wearing some kind of perfume that smelled like a cross between Pine Sol and floor stripper. It scorched my nose hairs. Joy said she could detect BO under the heavy fragrance, but Joy has a more finely-tuned sniffer than me. I just wanted to grab the woman and use her to scrub my toilet bowl.

Behind us was a group of thirtysomething men who seemed like they were having a guys' night out. They weren't particularly disruptive, but at some point during the movie I became distinctly aware that the guy sitting behind me had a breathing problem, namely he was whistling through his nose every time he exhaled. I have to be honest, for a second I thought it was me. Okay, more than a second. I held my breath and pinched my nose shut just to make sure. Maybe it was because I was so tuned into the whistling noise, but it seemed to get louder and louder. He could have summoned the hounds with this whistle. After the movie, Joy said she also held her breath to make sure she wasn't the wheezer. 

The smells and sounds in a movie theater these days are exactly why I love Netflix and On Demand. The only stank and whistle I want going on during a movie are my own, thank you very much. That said, we saw the trailer for Baz Lurhman's Australia (helloooo, Hugh Jackman) and we're definitely going to see that next week.

The rest of the weekend was spent clearing my desk of some freelance and editing work before the holidays. I'm off from the day job from Wednesday until Monday, and I plan to do a lot of reading and writing during that time. Today, we had an Atlanta Queer Literary Festival board meeting and started making our list of potential features for 2009. I can't say who they are yet, but we have high hopes.

Also, take note of my new email address: collinkelley@gmail.com. I've finally made the switch.

Comments

jackie said…
enjoy your time off, collin, and may the muses be with you.

i'm also off from wed-mon, but at least 15 hours of that will be spent in various cars, driving first to my brother's place in new hampshire and then to his partner's place in maine. and then home, of course. but it will be fun!
Anonymous said…
That is just gross.

GAV
what was the purpose of showing the scar on that girls back so much?
Peter said…
I thought it was a great sequel. But I could watch Daniel Craig read the phonebook. In bed.

M: About the scar, I dunno. An objective corelative of her inner scar (her family killed in a fire she survived)? I thought at first it was dust from the chase scene.
ButtonHole said…
Collin: forget the movie. I want to go to the Colonnade with you. Soon.

Before that NewYear's diet shit kicks in replete with all the guilt. 'Tis the season to stuff one's face, whoot!
Emily A. Benton said…
I saw it Saturday and loved it, too! always been a Bond girl. I think the next one will be even better now that the revenge is out.
Rauan Klassnik said…
i love Daniel Craig but thought this Bond movie was ordinary,....
christine said…
LOL about the burnt nose hairs, and wondering if you were the one whistling. Very funny post.

Yeah, that new James Bond has a body on him!

Enjoy the vacation, *smile*
Not In My GA said…
Welcome to the world of GMAIL.
DeadMule said…
Yes Collin, very funny.
Happyflower said…
The guy couldn't breathe due to the women in front of you! haha! I love your witty writings.
ButtonHole said…
Since Collin isn't forthcoming re my request for food, I was thus left with no alternative but to see this movie. I too was a bit obsessed with the scar on her back. I thought it was sand at first. Now I've decided it was a metaphor for all the unexplained gaps in logic and continuity that call themselves this film. But I liked it! The film not the sand/scar.
Collin Kelley said…
BHole, I am always up for The Colonnade. Let me know when you're in town and want to go.

What I really miss from the Bond films are the dirty double entendre names of all the female villains and lovers. Pussy Galore, Holly Goodhead, Plenty O'Toole, Xenia Onatopp. Honeychile Rider, Pan Ho to name a few. I guess Strawberry Fields in Quantum of Solace is as close as we get. Ah, well...
Anonymous said…
haha no i swear Daniel Craig has a whistle everytime he breathes in one of the later scenes of the movie.

For me it was the climax of the movie, all my friends and I were cracking up laughing so hard.
And i know it was the film, because we were at a drive thru cinema..


u'd think they'd reshoot that scene again with something so obvious...

sheesh
luccy said…
Dieting and physical exercises can help you in shedding your weight to a certain extent but if your BMI (Body Mass Index) is 30 or exists above this value, you need to take extra measures for adequate relief from the shackles of obesity. However, Phentermine, Adipex etc are FDA approved diet pills that suppress your appetite effectively and assist you to lose weight once you fall in the grip of obesity. Phentermine should be administered only after getting hold of a Phentermine prescription from the doctor and for more details on the medicine, visit the website http://www.weight-loss-truths.com

Popular Posts