American Idol 9 - Atlanta Auditions

Two more hours of "American Idol" auditions tonight, but with a decidedly familiar locale: Atlanta
Tonightās audition show was only supposed to be an hour long, but the cancellation of Foxās āOur Little Geniusā before it even aired, allowed Idol to expand to 90 minutes. Thatās 30 extra minutes of crazy and more of tonightās celebrity guest judge Mary J. Blige. She didnāt have much to add, but she does have an album to promote.
Last June, a reported 10,000 wannabes descended on the Georgia Dome for season 9 auditions, and tonight we got to see a few of them. The lucky few who made it before the judges didnāt sing at the Dome but on the top floor of the W Hotel downtown for a dramatic city backdrop.
Soldiers of love: Mary J. couldnāt stop laughing at Dewone Robinson, who sang an original song called āWeāre Not Together Anymoreā that was meant for a duet, so he sang both parts ā badly. Christy Agronow, who hosts some cable access show called ā411,ā but Mary J. looked like she wanted to dial 911 after Christyās screeching āLove is a Battlefield.ā
Costume drama: Every year, someone shows up in a horrible costume and is immediately dismissed by the judges. Holly Harden showed up dressed like a guitar singing Loretta Lynnās āYou Aināt Woman Enough to Take My Man.ā Mary J. looked like she was throwing up in her mouth a little and said āI donātā get it,ā but the other three judges put her through. She wonāt survive Hollywood.
Biggest slice of cornpone: āBFFs foreverā Lauren and Carmen drove up from Baxley, Ga., and must have hit some rough patch of highway because their make-up looked like it had been applied with an asphalt spreader. Their accents were so thick you couldnāt cut them with a sling blade. The judges put Carmen through, although she couldnāt carry a tune in a bucket, but not Lauren. The BFFs sobbed into each otherās necks, but Simon said they wouldnāt be separated for long. Snap!
A second slice: There aināt much to do in Vanessa Wolfeās little Tennessee town but to jump from bridges into creeks and shop at the dollar store. Her nasally version of āWagon Wheelā was all twang and no torch. The judges all liked her, but she'd better enjoy the free buffet at the hotel in Hollywood before they put her back on the plane.
Biggest surprise: Bryan Walker was set up to look like a hick, douchebag cop from Tennessee, but his cover of āSuperstarā was actually good. I could see him singing with a bar band, but, sadly, he wontā survive the Hollywood cut.
Security Alert: Lamar Royal went in to the audition excited to meet Mary J. and hear constructive criticism. After his ātorturousā (as Randy described it) cover of āKiss From A Roseā ā which sounded like he straining for a bowel movement ā Lamar got angry and had to be escorted out by security. His parting words: āFuck yāall. Mary J. canāt sing a fucking lick, so fuck her, too. I wish Paula was here.ā So do I, Lamar, so do I.
Pointless, but funny audition: At age 62, General Larry Platt was 34 years over the Idol age limit, but the producers put him on for shits and giggles. He sang an original song encouraging young men to pull up their baggy pants called, appropriately, āPants on the Ground,ā Lyrical refrain: āLooking like a fool with ya pants on the ground.ā The general was doing some break dancing moves that made me worry he was going to break a hip. Simon commented that he had a feeling the song could be a hit. Okay, it wasnāt THAT funny.
Ones to watch for in Hollywood: A tough call, because to be honest, I wasnāt in love with anybody tonight. Mallorie Haley, who sang āPiece of My Heart,ā has a Carrie Underwood vibe, so she might do okay. Tisha Holland, shown in a montage singing Xtinaās āImpossible,ā was called āone of the bestā by Kara, but we only got to see 20 seconds. Jermaine Sellersā churchified version of Joan Osborneās āOne of Usā was impressive, too.
At the end of the day, only 25 golden tickets were handed out. Next week, itās on to Chicago.
Collin. Out.
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