NOT GETTING OLDER, GETTING SMARTER: So, I came home from the open mic Friday night and did not emerge from my loft until Sunday evening for Java Monkey. Sometimes I just need to hibernate. Not take a shower, not worry about poetry, writing or anything else. Just read, watch movies, make myself dinner and enjoy one of the few weekends where I didn't have any kind of engagements. The only sour note of the weekend was my DVD player (which has been...ummm....professionally upgraded to play DVDs from anywhere in the world) died. That sent me scurrying to the Internet to secure a new one. I found one I liked in about 10 minutes and ordered it straight away. God, I love eBay and the Internet.

As I have moved into my mid-30s, my zeal and love of shopping at the mall or large stores has dwindled to zero. Target is about my limit. I cannot stand the noise, the rudeness, and the overall crowds that descend on Atlanta's malls, especially my former favorite, Lenox Square. Ever since Tower Records decamped to Piedmont Road and HMV closed its doors, Lenox has totally lost interest for me. Crate & barrel and Pottery Barn only make me realize how meager my earnings are, so I do just as well to shop online. There's something about seeing it on a screen that gives (me at least) a distance from that feeling of "must buy this NOW." I happily admit to be a shopping addict, although lately I've been in remission. I'm also an eBay junky. Don't ask me about my recent Six Million Dollar Man/Bionic Woman obsession. It's a bit sad to be playing with dolls at age 35, but hey, it's better than whores and crack.

I suppose there's that need to reclaim childhood lost in this search for old toys...ones that I used to own, but lost or smashed. I talk about this in my poem HalfLife Crisis, which has become the title track of the new CD. I've always been a "rescuer"...of both people and things. Just ask some of my ex lovers. Lately, I've been refocusing on rescuing myself...from people (remember the Asshole Yard Sale), places and obligations that don't advance me as a person. This kind of introspection is always a bit selfish, but I cannot tell you how much time I lost that should have been devoted to me, that I gave away with both hands and got nothing in return. Yes, it's better to give than to receive, but this cannot hold up when the giving is sucking you to a husk.

So, I've surrounded myself with good people, learned to shop online and not sweat (too much) the details. It's a matter of refocusing on yourself, what you need, what you want to do with the rest of your life. I'm on the path.


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