AMERICAN IDOL 7 - ATLANTA: Appropriately enough, American Idol auditions end right here in Atlanta. More than 12,000 converged on the Georgia Dome last fall to audition, but they only picked 19 to go to Hollywood. Since this was the last audition city, I thought tomorrow night's show would be the first part of the Hollywood round. Nope. Apparently, they have put together another audition episode called the "best and worst of the rest." Excuse me while I put a fork in my eye. Unless something hilarious or monumental happens, there will be no recap tomorrow. So, what I'm saying is there's no recap tomorrow. Let's break ATL down.

Josh Jones works at a glass company and has a "passion for glass," but he'd give it up in a heartbeat for a shot at being on AI. He freaks out Simon, Paula (totally sober...boo-hiss!) and Randy with his demonic eyes. They make him face the wall to sing a karaoke version of some Queen song. I thought it sucked, but they gave him a ticket anyway. Say which? Is he gonna do the whole show with his back to the camera? He better get some tighter jeans. I'm just sayin'.

Some nerd-o-matic named JT, who auditioned in season four and was in line with Carrie Underwood, returned to howl some incoherent song. JT said friends and family told him he had a good voice and star quality. Stop lying to this poor homo. He's majoring in music in college, so evidently they're lying to him as well. This was followed by a time-filler montage of Paula saying "yes" to every contestant and Simon needling her about it. Yawn.

The sob-story winner was, hands down, Asia'h, who was on her way to auditions when she found out her daddy died in a car accident. What the fuck was she even doing there? It just felt unseemly, and she was going on about how she was "doing it for her dad." She screeched her way through How Do I Live, voice cracking all over the place. They totally let her go through on a sympathy vote. Then Paula got all teary-eyed about it and had to leave the set. Lawd, mo drama. Dead daddy girl was followed by Jesus freak pageant girl, who Simon called "the most annoying person ever." Brooke Helvie is/was Miss South Florida Fair and loved everyone and everything, but mostly Jesus. She said all this while trying to contain her tits in a tiny halter. 

A montage of freaks, tramps, hoochies, English as a third language and candidates for a 5150 order (look it up) followed to fill more time. Eva Miller looked like a hooker with truck stop tatoos and had a massive crush on Simon until he called her caterwauling an "act and a joke." She stomped out, ripped up her number and then stomped on it. That's real gangsta. 

Nathan Hite (pictured) was an annoying emo kid with magenta highlights from Savannah, who decided he really just wanted to fuck with Simon and make smart ass comments. "Can't sing, not funny," was how Simon expertly summed it up. Goth chick Amanda Overmyergoth works as a nurse (?!) by day and rides a Harley by night, but she really just wants to sing. She channeled Janice Joplin's voice and Terri Nun from Berlin's two-tone hair. They let her through. 

The evening ended with sob-story runner up Josiah Leming, an 18 year old from Tennessee who lives in his car and has no friends. He had a pretty decent voice, but I guess all those nights of sleeping in the backseat while listening to Snow Patrol and Coldplay have given him a British accent. It was affected and weird, but he cried and they let him through. 

P.S.  I voted for Obama. He won Georgia, but Hillary is ahead nationally on Super Tuesday

Comments

RJGibson said…
Is it wrong I started laughing over "How Do I Live"?

and then 5150 order.

word verification: hngem or hng em
Anonymous said…
You are so mean to these freaks. lol I laughed out loud about the 5150, but i realy did feel bad for the cute boy living in his car. If he comes out here he could park in my driveway.

GAV
M. RuPere said…
yes, GAV - the straight contingent
*looks around* agrees w you - loved that Tenn kid living out of his car (after Mom kicked his ass out of house) - I thought the accent was brilliant, like he was channeling the Oasis boys - and when he came out w his ticket, there was no - body there to be w him in his big moment . . .
ButtonHole said…
Lord, this review had so many highlights the whole thing was just bursting with flavor! A veritable conflagration of zingers.

oh but like any of us don't know what a 5150 is after Britney, c'mon!!!

Excuse me while I stick a fork in my eye!! LOL

ps I was between Barack and a hard lady, but for some reason at the very last second I clicked on the Hill n Bill Show. Either way, I'm good.

So don't blame me for Huckabee winning Georgia. WTF????

verification "gbqugegz." Clearly a sign.
KATE EVANS said…
Your rockin' hilarious mean queen side really comes out in your Idol posts!

Check out my blog today. I've converted. I think you'll be glad. :)
Lisa Allender said…
The kid living out of his car--I thought he sounded like "Herman's Hermits" (boy, am I dating myself with that reference!).
He could sing "I'm Henry-the-Eigth-I-Am-Henry-the-Eigth-I-am, I am..."
and it would be a swell choice.But, I felt really bad for him when he came out with his win, and there was no one with whom he could celebrate.

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