THE LOST BOYS: The actual competition got under way this evening on American Idol, and to say I was underwhelmed would be an understatement. The 12 guys performed tonight and they were all a bore. I mean a serious yawn. There were no stand out performances and some of them were just downright bad. They picked safe, cheesy songs that had me considering changing the channel. The 12 girls perform tomorrow night, and it shouldn't be hard for some of them to become the front runners. If it were up to me, I'd have sent all but one or two of the guys home tonight. They were that bad. Here's the rundown:Rudy Cardenas - Shitty cover of "Free Ride." He's whitebread, corny and trying way too hard to impress. He won't last long.
Brandon Rogers - The former backup singer for Justin, Usher and Xtina is cute, but his version of "Rock With You" was a snooze. Simon called it "safe and predictable." Exactly.
Sundance Head - He's going home Thursday night. This Meatloaf wannabe shouldn't even be in the competition. "Nights in White Satin"? Really? That's him pictured at his audition (must have been a fluke). Look closely at the photo, because you're never going to see him ever again. Dude...pack your bags.
Paul Kim - Put your fucking shoes on! He's like a frat boy singing karaoke at $1 beer night at the local bar. His attempt at a falsetto was painful. Might be going home Thursday.
Chris Richardson - He's a Justin Timberlake wannabe, working the suit and the herky-jerky dance moves, but he sang that lame ass Gavin DeGraw song "I Don't Want To Be" and it was not hot. He'll stay around because Paula wants him and the girls think he's cute.
Nick Pedro - Nice voice, but so boring I can't even remember what song he sang.
Blake Lewis - The "beatbox" guy was actually the best performer of the evening, doing a fine cover of Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know."
Sanjaya Malakar - Our Bollywood diva sealed his fate by singing the Stevie Wonder song "Knocks Me Off My Feet," which has the repeated refrain, "I don't wanna bore you." Oh, but it did. It was a train wreck. He told Ryan Gaycrest before he performed that his sister (who didn't make it) had picked the song for him. Woah! Bitch is totally undermining his ass. He's cute, but that only goes so far. He might stick around for another week or two, but won't make the finals.
Chris Sligh - As I figured the Jack Osbourne wannabe is getting on my nerves. He sounded constipated singing his song (I think it was "Typical") and tried to embarrass Simon with some pathetic comment about Simon producing Il Devo and the Teletubbies. Uh, dude, you look like a Teletubbie.
Jared Cotton - He's tall, dark and handsome, but he chose the cheese-fest Brian McKnight song, "Back at One." He wasn't bad, but he really needs to pick a better song next week.
A.J. Tabaldo - Now this queen makes Sanjaya look positively sedate. He was mincing around the stage singing Luther Vandross' "Never Too Much." It was a fun song, and probably the second best performance of the evening. But girlfriend needs to get those boy bar dance moves under control.
Phil Stacey - Randy and Paula were falling all over themselves to praise his performance of "Could Not Ask For More," but I thought it was pretty damn lame. He looks like a space alien crossed with Mr. Clean (or maybe Britney). He's trying too hard to be Chris Daughtry from last season. Not working, dude.
Get your shit together, boys, or the next American Idol is going to be one of the girls. Actually, I'm going to predict right now that both the runner up and winner will both be girls. You heard it here first.
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