Organizing your writing life

CHAMPAGNE FOR LULU (AND SANJAYA)! I was so tickled to see Lulu as one of the mentors on American Idol tonight. I love her! From her fab songs ("Shout," "The Boat That I Row," "To Sir With Love") to her hilarious appearances on Absolutely Fabulous, she is a British pop icon supreme. She's totally hot, too. It was "British Invasion" night, and Lulu mentored the girls while Peter Noone of Herman's Hermits gave advice to the guys. Not that it did much good. Except for...wait for it...Sanjaya!

Haley Scarnato - Totally working the hooker look for votes at this point, Haley sang a shrieky (Simon's word), karaoke version of "Tell Him." Her short-shorts, fuck me heels and backless halter are really the only thing worth commenting on. I hope a lot of horny boys were watching tonight.

Chris Richardson - Wearing a tiny sweater vest, the JT-wannabe sang a dull, un-melodic version of "Don't Let the Sun Catch You Crying" that the judges nearly creamed themselves over. Were we watching the same performance? Chris was nasally, looked uncomfortable as hell and...again...was wearing a sweater vest! Even Peter Noone said in the mentor clip that Chris wasn't any good. I'm with the Hermit.

Stephanie Edwards - If you're going to tackle an iconic song like "You Don't Have to Say You Love Me" sung by an iconic singer like Dusty Springfield, you better bring it. Sorry, honey, you didn't even come close. Four words: Don't fuck with Dusty.

Blake Lewis - Another judge cream fest for no apparent reason. Sure, the arrangement of "Time of the Season" was great, but Blake sounded like he was straining to keep the melody on the chorus and there was too much beatboxing and Justin hip swivels. He thinks he's hot shit, but he's becoming seriously one note. Of course, that passes for "commercial" these days.

Lakisha Jones - A sterling version of Shirley Bassey's "Diamonds Are Forever." It was dramatic and sexy, but the judges didn't like it. Paula must be spiking Randy and Simon's cups with her pills. Simon said she sounded like a 50 year old. Lakisha shot back, "if I'm singing like this when I'm 50, I'll be happy with that." You go, girl!

Phil Stacey - Mr. Clean tried to be a rocker with "Tobacco Road," but Simon correctly called it a "bar band performance with no grit." He thinks Phil will be going home tomorrow night. Phil was in the bottom three, so it's possible.

Jordin Sparks - Probably her best vocal ever with "I Who Have Nothing." She's definitely upped the ante, and will be around for awhile.

Sanjaya Malakar - Before they went to break, Ryan Gaycrest said AI was going to unleash the "wild side" of Sanjaya. They cut to him wearing a Sgt. Pepper-meets-Michael Jackson military jacket, fingerless gloves and lunging at the camera with his tongue out. So, when he performed "You Really Got Me," totally rocking out and -- dare I say it -- looking kinda hot (I know, I know...perv), I was stunned. Definitely his best moment on the show, despite his vocal being all over the place. But the secret to Sanjaya's success was cleverly captured by the cameras, who constantly cut to a little girl in the audience sobbing like she was at a Beatles' concert. The little girls love Sanjaya, because he's soooooo adorable and they have no idea he's a big queen. Ah, youth. I'm totally voting for Sanjaya tonight. As much as I've slagged him off, he keeps the show interesting and his staying means someone else -- maybe someone adored -- goes home. In the UK, they call that throwing a spanner in the works.

Gina Glocksen - She sang "Paint It Black" dressed in one of Annie Lennox's cast-off Eurythmics leather jumpsuits. Simon said the vocal was "torturous" and it was "all style over substance." I have nothing to add, except she'll probably be in the bottom three.

Chris Sligh - The admittedly "clumsy and chubby" Chris Sligh did a serviceable version of The Zombies "She's Not There," but he looked uncomfortable walking through the audience and running from stage to stage, so by the end he seemed a little out of breath. Good, but not great. He's sticking around.

Melinda Doolittle - Took a boring song, "As Long As He Needs Me," and turned it into the vocal of the night. Simply amazing.