American Idol 9 - Dallas Auditions

More than 11,000 turned out to audition for “American Idol” in Dallas, and while the old saying that things are bigger in Texas is debatable, things are definitely gayer. Or more gay, if you want to get grammatically correct about it.

Actor, singer, out and proud Neil Patrick Harris was the celebrity guest just for most of the hour. The fake arguments between him and Simon set to “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” theme were cringe-worthy time wasters, as was Miss Ryan flirting with the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

A Jonas Brother showed up for the last 20 minutes to look moody, flip his hair, flash his purity ring and say nothing.

Where are the winged monkeys when you need them? Julie Kevelighan auditioned during season one in Dallas alongside eventual winner Kelley Clarkson. Nine years ago, Julie was a delusional, chunky screech owl wearing too much make-up. Now, she’s a thinner, delusional screech owl wearing too much make-up. After a forced medley of “Black Velvet,” “Something to Talk About” and “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” she had to be escorted out of the room.

Finger licking good: Lloyd “Big and Sexy” Thomas grew up in the projects, works the docks and seemed like he was going to be a big train wreck. So, when he started singing “Overjoyed” in a smooth, soulful voice, I clocked him as the heir apparent to Ruben Studdard. After he received his golden ticket, he kept licking his fingers and saying, “taste what I taste right now. It’s delicious.” If the singing thing doesn’t work out, KFC will surely hire him as a pitchman.

Read the rest of the recap at Project Q Atlanta!