AMERICAN IDOL 7 - TOP 11 DO THE BEATLES...AGAIN: At one point during the evening, after a mostly mind-numbing two hours of messy arrangements and half-assed singing, Simon Cowell uttered the words I'd been thinking since last week: "It was not a good idea to do The Beatles again." Amen, brother, Simon. After butchering the Lennon/McCartney songbook last week, Gaycrest said the encore was by "popular demand." From who? Every review I've read said one night was more than enough. This might sound sacrilegious to some of you Beatles fans, but not every song was a classic, and they don't always translate. The Beatles knew how to sell and arrange even their most pedestrian and mediocre lyrics, but that was the Fab Four, and the Top 11 are the Fab Two or Three on a good night. Even worse, trying to cut and paste the intricate and often wildly divergent melodies of The Beatles' five and six minute songs into about a minute and a half makes for a fierce, hot, tranny mess (thank you SNL and Amy Poehler) of an evening.

Amanda Overmyer: Ohoooo-wheee! Someone spiked Amanda's cup with happy juice before she went on stage. She was more talkative, smiley and self-confident than I've ever seen her, and she growled her way through Back in The USSR, but as Simon said, it was a predictable song and she sounds the same week after week. She has one note and she knows how to shred it. Her hair is still a hot tranny mess, and I don't dislike the girl, but she's a one trick pony and the circus has left town.

Kristy Lee Cook: The song (You've Got To Hide Your Love Away) was a forgettable bore. The most entertaining part of her performance was telling Simon she was going to "blow him out of his socks." There was a lot of uncomfortable laughter, snickering and Gaycrest flailing for words that wouldn't make him look like a bigger queen. Really, America, why do you keep this no-talent around? She should have gone home last week. Do your duty!

David Archuleta: A flawless return to form on Long and Winding Road, but dampened by his creepy stage dad in the intro clip hovering near him during rehearsal. The media has pounced on the fact that David's daddy was thrown off the set of Star Search when little D was a contestant and was like one of those pageant mom loonies you see on Bravo and Lifetime browbeating their children into being perfect. Making David Archuleta cry should be a capital offense punishable by death.

Michael Johns: Yes, he's sexy as hell, but his version of A Day In the Life was a prime example of cutting and pasting to fit the song into the time limit. It was a fierce hot tranny mess and he's still a one note bore. To make it worse, he tried to play the sympathy card by dedicating to a friend who died. Save it, Michael-Not-Hutchense.

Brooke White: I thought the judges were a bit hard on her cover of Here Comes the Sun and totally didn't get Randy and Simon's comment about her not being "connected" to the song. After last week's masterful Let It Be, this week was obviously going to be a disappointment, but it wasn't that bad. She's sweet and genuine. I still love her. Fierce, girl, fierce!

David Cook: This one douche pony decided to do the Whitesnake (?!) version of Daytripper. He played the guitar, his greasy comb over was glued to his forehead and he even used a vocoder. Ooooh...he's a real rock star. Let me clear my throat of vomit before I choke. Simon, who was just not having any of this hot tranny mess tonight, summed it up perfectly: "That wasn't as good as you thought it was."

Carly Smithson: She decided to spar with Simon after he called her cover of Blackbird self-indulgent. It was a strange song choice, but a flawless vocal. She's a big talent, but trying to get one over Simon always looks petty. Remember, Carly, your career so far has been a complete failure...don't blow it now.

Jason Castro: The pretty, pretty lesbian was so pleased with himself after he learned the French lyrics in Michelle, next week he'll probably cover Lady Marmalade. It was a weak effort, but since dude looks like a lady and all the tween girls love that androgyny they don't quite understand, he'll stick around another week.

Syesha Mercado: She oversung Yesterday. Period. The judges were over-effusive in their praise and it was really nothing more than pleasant elevator music. I guess after her disastrous last couple of weeks, even this middling performance was better than nothing.

Chikezie: After his spectacular comeback last week, he crashed and burned in hot tranny mess fashion. The first half of I've Just Seen Her Face was a sentimental ballad, then Jacuzzi whipped out a harmonica and it turned into a bluegrass nightmare. Bottom three here he comes.

Ramiele Malubay: Looking like Bai Ling after her shoplifting arrest at LAX, Ramiele tried to infuse some personality by wearing some ugly pants and a pimp hat. Her "me love you long time" come hither looks to camera during I Should Have Known Better were totally creeping me out. She's definitely in the bottom three.

I have to admit tonight's recap felt like a chore. It really was a tedious two hours of unexciting music. Note to the producers - don't ever do this to us again. Seriously. Hot tranny mess.

Comments

Anne said…
What Michael Johns did to "A Day in the Life" should be an imprisonable offense. I mean... jeez. I'll take Kristy Lee over that mess anytime.

And I still say Amanda should've done "Helter Skelter."
i missed it.
Justin Evans said…
I have to say this version of "Blackbird" totally sucked for me. She took out all of the vulnerability of the song and tried to make it go paces where it shouldn't go.

Carly and Michael both lost point in their appeal to pity approach in song choice and interpretation. "Save it" is absolutely right.
KATE EVANS said…
Archeletta blew me away. I also thought Carly was great and was shocked that Simon hated it so bad. Amanda may have one note, but it's one freaking hella hot note. Those 3 are my dream top 3.

Collin, I'm surprised at you for not gloating about the fact that Simon called David Cook "smug." Makes me think Simon reads your blog.
Anonymous said…
I remember you saying one time "there is two hours of my life I will never get back." That is exactly how i felt after watching this. And to quote Simon it was an "atrocious" show.

GAV
Peter said…
HAHAHAHA. Hot tranny mess is right!
Peter said…
PS: I thought David and Carly were the best.
Jennifer said…
It was a suckfest. John and George are spinning in their graves with Linda McCartney on keyboards.
Collin said…
HA!

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