American Idol 7 - Top Seven Do Mariah Carey

Whatever you think of Mariah's crazy ass, girl has got some pipes on her. Sure, she overuses that high note that sets off seizures in epileptics and sends dogs howling into the night, but she surrounds herself with talented songwriters and producers who are hit-makers. Mimi is slumming on American Idol tonight to promote her latest album, E=MC2. Insert your own joke here. On with the slaughter...

David Archuleta: Basically, he could stand on stage, shit in a bucket and giggle and the girls would scream bloody murder and the judges would love him. He did a heartfelt version of When You Believe (obvious song choice, as Simon noted) and even did a little falsetto at the end. Were those leather pants? Who's a big boy now? Going all the way to the Top 2. Trust.

Carly Smithson: Damn it! Why did she have to sing this? All I can think of when I hear Without You is that woman from Bulgarian Idol screaming "Kennnnnnn Leeeeeeeeee." Carly looked great, and she was technically perfect, but I thought the end was overblown and there were way too many runs. The pendulum swing from angry to sad each week is starting to wear thin, too. I thought she sounded hot and looked sassy last week during Idol Gives Back singing Rhianna's Don't Stop the Music. I wish she'd have more fun. Come on, Irish, smile! The judges were so-so on this performance, and I have a feeling she's in the bottom three again.

Syesha Mercado: Check my pulse. Out of all the Mariah Carey songs, she picks a song only diehard Mariah Carey fans would recognize, Vanishing. I'd never heard it and don't care if I ever do again, unless she's singing it on her way out the door tomorrow night. From the first to the last overblown glory note, I was watching the counter on my screen and resisting the urge to fast forward. The judges thought it was good (Paula loves everything at this point so she's more useless now than ever...pills or no pills), but Randy though it was a poor song choice. Bottom three tomorrow.

Brooke White: Is she reading my blog? I do hope so. She sat at the piano and delivered, what I thought, was a beautiful version of Hero. I thought her voice sounded strong, although she seemed to be rushing along at the end. Rand and Paula liked it, but Simon made some comment about the performance being like ordering a hamburger and just getting the bun. Oh, puh-leeze! I thought she was amazing. I'll be sad if she's in the bottom three, but it's possible.

Kristy Lee Cook: Everything is going to be countrified now, since the judges have hammered it home that she should only sing country. Her cover of Forever was pitchy as hell and her lower register just sucks, but she's been worse. KFC told the judges her performance gave Mariah chills, to which Simon retorted, "it didn't give me any" and proceeded to call her delivery whiny. Yeah, that sums it up. Tottering on the brink of the bottom three me thinks.

David Cook: Once again, I don't get it. The judges were practically sucking from his nipples in their worship of his performance of Always Be My Baby. Maybe when they listen to it again, they'll hear how flat the opening was, how the James Bond theme arrangement didn't work with the song, or his inability to find anything resembling a correct note on the verses. The weird moan/run at the end creeped me out. I know I should be nicer since his sick brother was in the audience, but it just wasn't good. Nevertheless, sailing to the Top 2 with the Terminator boy.

Jason Castro: So earnest, so pretty, so stoned. His falsetto-rific cover of I Don't Want To Cry had Paula nearly creaming her panties, but Randy didn't get it. He said it sounded like somebody singing at a beach luau, but Simon liked it. He'll be around a few more weeks.

Bottom three prediction: Carly, Syesha and Kristy Lee...although it might be Brooke.


Any JEH-SUS tonight?
Collin said…
It was a Jesus-free evening on AI. :) Just a lot of sucky songs and not so great singing.
Anonymous said…
I hate Mariah Scary. Cant help it. After watching tonite my guess is that the top three are going to be all boys -- Davd A, David C and Jason.

Lisa Allender said…
I missed the show, but I love yo' recaps!
Just now gettin' caught up--I've been reading the past several entries of yours, Coll, and am posting at all of 'em!
boo said…
i tried taking a crap on stage, but nobody applauded, though some did scream bloody murder.

there was once a human being inside mariah carey, replaced by a singing fembot. she scares me.
bookfraud said…
that's "bookfraud," i am.
becauseweloveit said…
You nailed the bottom three last week, and I think you have done so again. Any of the women could go. Also, the wife and I are totally with you on the ridiculous David Cook.
Even though Mariah Carey is completely crazy, wasn't it amazing to hear her sing a made-up little run for about two seconds and be able to tell that she is infinitely more talented than any of the idols?

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